In which my son's paraprofessional gets fired for physically abusing him

I was in the left turn lane with my signal on, and I was waiting for a pedestrian to cross the street. The lady looked over her shoulder at me, and I gave her a little wave, like “Go ahead, Ma’am.” She was kind of slow, and I guess I could have gone around her, but I decided to just let her cross the street, because it was a civilized thing to do.

The car behind me honked. It was a woman in a Jeep.

I lifted my hands and shrugged, like “What do you want me to do?”

This is a little pet peeve of mine, when people think you should be turning more aggressively than you are, maybe in a tighter space between oncoming cars than you’re strictly comfortable with, or if they don’t think you should wait for the middle-aged black lady who was crossing the street, and so, when the woman behind me gunned her Jeep around me and almost hit the pedestrian, I took the opportunity to roll down my window and give Jeep-lady a piece of my mind.

“That was a gosh-darn pedestrian, you sillyhead!” I yelled.

Only I didn’t say, “gosh-darn,” and I sure as hell didn’t say, “sillyhead.”

Jeep woman looked shocked and then angry, and she rolled down her window to give me the finger. She had a very large diamond ring. Then she made an illegal left turn onto the street where my son’s school is located, and I hoped she wasn’t a parent there.

I was shaking for a while after the confrontation. I wondered why I was so angry, why I’d called a stranger a bitch, which is both nuclear and unwise, and I wondered if Jeep-lady was just as shaken.

I tell you this story only because I was thinking about it when I got the phone call.

I was eating a salad at Panera, wondering if I maybe Karma was going to come after me for being so nasty to a stranger in a Jeep, even if she was rude and impatient and could have killed that pedestrian.

My cell phone rang, and I missed it trying to locate the thing in the abyss that is my purse. Then the text came through from Kai’s principal.

“Call me.”

My phone battery was about to die. My salad had just arrived. Whatever Kai had done could wait for 15 minutes, so I texted back that I would call him back then.

“Please call now.”

And so I dialed the number, wondering now if something was wrong, if Kai had bitten someone or had gotten hurt on the playground.

And when the principal answered, he told me that Kai’s paraprofessional had physically and verbally abused my son.

:::

I haven’t even written about the fact that we have a full-time, dedicated aid for Kai in the classroom. I wanted to tell you about how that had come to be and what a freaking nightmare of a process that was for everyone in Kai’s IEP team, how this case attracted the attention of some people at the corporate office who made Kai’s teacher’s life uncomfortable for a while much to my deep regret, how those self-same corporate people actually offered Kai a full-time, dedicated special ed teacher because (I suspect) they thought I might sue them.

I met Kai’s aid on Monday. I’ll call him Mr. X.

Mr. X presented himself as someone with extensive experience with special needs and autism. He has three children of his own.

When I met him, it was at pick-up.

“How did Kai do?” I asked him.

“He didn’t want to do his math,” Mr. X answered.

There was something about the way he said it, not really meeting my gaze, not really acting like he’d seen this before, not really acting like he’d done what he was supposed to do, which was help us get better follow-through when the teachers were working with other students.

It was going to be my blog post this week, how this paraprofessional, for whom we were all so excited, the person who was going to solve our behavioral problems, who was going to be the answer to all of our questions, who was going to look like Ryan Gosling (Hey, Girl) and be a loving but firm rock in the classroom was just a little…

Underwhelming.

I had concerns.

Kai stopped wanting to go to school on Tuesday. Was it because he was just being Kai? Or because the aid was making him do stuff he was supposed to be doing? Or because he hated his aid, or his aid was a bad fit?

But I trust my IEP team, and I was planning on waiting until Friday to see how things were going.

Turns out, I didn’t have to wait that long to find out.

:::

When the principal said “physical and verbal abuse,” my mind went to the darkest places I could conjur, of balled fists and broken noses and Kai being told he was stupid or worthless or whatever else. I started to cry right there in Panera.

And when I heard the story, and it was less than Kai being thrown down the stairs, I was somehow relieved. Mr. X had pulled Kai off of some playground equipment because he wasn’t lining up, it was pretty rough, and he’d told Kai to “shut the hell up.”

He’d been pulled off of some playground equipment and told to shut up? Haven’t I done that same damn thing?

No. No I haven't. Not even close.

I actually said, “That’s not as bad as it could have been.”

“We take these things very seriously,” the principal said.

He also said they were calling the police and child services, and Kai was okay and couldn’t or wouldn’t answer any questions about what happened and my brain slowly worked to process what he was saying.

That some asshole put his hands on my son.

And I realized that it was as bad as it could possibly be.

:::

My eyes were wet and red when I parked outside of the school.

I found Kai in his classroom, sitting in the book corner.

He leaped into my arms.

“Mommy!” he said. He kissed my nose. “Let’s go home.”

I had to leave him in his classroom while I talked with the police.

“No, Mommy,” Kai said, clinging to me.

“I’ll be right back,” I assured him, and tried hard not to start crying again.

The police officer wanted to know if Kai had any disabilities.

“He has autism,” I whispered.

I introduced Kai to the cop on our way out the door.

“I’m Kai,” he said. “I want some ice cream.”

The cop laughed. “Me, too,” he said.

:::

I took Kai to get some ice cream. Then we went to the toy store. Because I wanted to do something, and this was available.

“You can have any toy you want,” I said.

Kai chose a trumpet thing, a toy that he already had and that I’d confiscated because he blew it right in my ear.

“I want this one,” he insisted.

But we found something else that we could agree on, because, even in my weakened state, I was aware that I did not what that damn trumpet blown in my ear one more time ever.

Then we went to Whole Foods where I bought three bottles of wine and a single orange bell pepper.

The boy wanted a pepper.

:::

Later on, details of Mr. X’s attack on Kai began to become available in greater detail.

A girl on the playground, a second grader, was the first to alert another adult.

And then, two more children sought out help on behalf of my son.

What they were seeing was scary, they said.

A man, this man, Mr. X, was physically pulling my son from a piece of playground equipment, pulling him violently, dragging him by his arms with such force that Kai’s arms were red and he banged his knee on the ground and scared the crap out of three nearby children, so much so that they ran to find someone they could trust to help sort it out. And then that adult reported Mr. X to the principal.

When it was over, Mr. X stood with Kai in line to come in from recess. Kai was hysterically crying.

“Shut the hell up,” Mr. X advised my son.

:::

Mr. X was escorted from the building and it was suggested that he find a new profession.

I wonder what he’ll tell his wife.

And I wonder about his kids.

And I wonder how Kai will integrate all of this, and that makes me feel angry and helpless and guilty.

And I hope that I never, ever have to lay eyes on that slimy motherfucker Mr. X ever again.

If I do, I might call him a sillyhead.

And then run him over with my car.

 

 

 

Comments

[dave]

Or better still publish his fucking name.

[Gemma]

Yeah...I'd publish his name.
And press charges.
And then sue his ass.

But that's just me, imagining that it could have been one of my two boys.

All too easily.

[Kimhahn]

You are a great mom. Now run the asshole over. Save the other kids from him.

[Riddlesford106]

Disgusting this man is a nutter, who should never be near children again.

[Emily]

I have a 6 year old daughter with ASD, I tell you I would be in jail for beating the life out of that man! I am so sorry for your son and for you!

[Heather]

I'm literally in tears, these sort of stories scare the hell out of me. I agree, publish the jerk's name.

[Megan]

Thanks everyone. He really is an asshole. We're doing everything we can to keep him from getting another job with kids, and DCFS is investigating his family. The wheels of justice are moving surprisingly fast. I'll keep you updated, and thanks so much for your support!!

[jen page]

so so sorry kai had to go through all of this and you too!!! hope he's doing well and everything is getting sorted out as far as mr X dick face gets what's coming to him. so thankful for those kids on the playground reporting the incident as quickly as they did!!

[Katie]

I'm so so so sorry. This is a horrible travesty to you, your family, and mostly Kai. I'm thrilled to hear what wonderful young children are watching out and speaking up. I'm happy tht the teacher took it so seriously. And I'm thrilled by the immediate reaction of the administrators and other agencies involved. This man, I agree, deserves a much bigger punishment than a loss of his job. I hope that the school can repair what must be a loss of faith in them for you. And I hope Kai can find something in school to like. Causes most of us "school people" want the kids to be happy members of our home away from home. I'm so sorry. Call me if you need ANYTHING.

[Morgan]

Unbelievable and so horrific. I am so sorry. Your son knows you love him and he will heal from this with your love. It'll be okay.
But I'd sure as hell like to learn tae kwon do, so I could be that man to a pulp..

[Laura]

This just breaks my heart for your child and you. We are supposed to trust the system to help our kids. We trust them with the most innocent, loving little guys that can't even tell you what happens and things like this happen. I want to run him over with you. Several times. I also have a son with limited speech and no way to express himself and I saw myself in your shoes. I can't express how sorry I am for what happened to your baby.

[Loving Para-Educator]

As a para-educator, I want to say sorry. Sorry you got an immature asshole, that can't control his anger assigned to your son. I can't imagine how horrific this ordeal this must have been for you. However, some of us are damn good at our jobs and go home knowing that made a difference everyday. We somehow managed to find a creative ways of presenting that concept to that child allowing them to finally "get it". Usually for me it is converting all math problems to Thomas the Train problems. If you do get another aid for Kai, I hope it is a loving and knowledgeable one that will bend over backwards to make sure he has the best educational experience possible. Keep on being an excellent mom and advocate for your child!

[Misty]

I read, but never comment, but today when I read this I HAD to... my heart goes out to you and your family. I can't imagine the sheer rage, and then sadness over this you must have felt. I hope, sincerely, that this man more than pays for what he did. I'm so sorry your little one had to go through this.