Wow! Happy Friday, y’all. The weeks just keep coming, don’t they?
How did you spend your 147th week as a shut-in? Did you learn another language? No? Shocker!
I’m not 100% sure what I did this week. Seriously. The days passed and here I am. I can say that I’ve been growing seedlings, though. It's pretty easy and it feels like doing something wholesome and important. So, in August, when we’re back on lockdown because of all the rich middle-aged white ladies that stormed the salons with guns because they needed to get their roots did, I will at least have some vegetables to look forward to.
Also! Twice this week I, like, made stuff! Pancakes on Tuesday, muffins on Thursday. I’m not much of a maker or a baker, mostly because I don’t really want to eat what I bake. I would rather use my calories for say, margaritas or Sour Cream and Onion Pringles. Yet I somehow had all the ingredients to make cinnamon muffins with Ryan. This seemed like Good Mom Behavior(TM) and it made the house smell good. I put cake mix on the grocery list for next week’s project, along with green chartreuse liqueur for an unrelated project not involving Ryan at all. I’ll let you know how it goes.
And without further ado, here are is your linkage. May you find that you’ve passed an hour in peaceful tranquility without anyone suggesting you drink bleach.
1.) I had this super crazy idea that I wanted to get something for my home that would fill the tremendous void of…help me find the words….The Tremendous Void, and I found a little inspiration. I texted my friend Quincy about it:
Me: I think I need an inflatable hot tub.
Quincy: I think I need an inflatable hot tub. Fixed it for you.
With pools closed and nothing else to do, margaritas in THE HOT TUB IN YOUR BACKYARD seems like it might be the way to go. And if you only use it for this particular summer and throw it away at the first frost, with all the money you saved on camp and pool memberships, you’d definitely still come out ahead.
2.) Speaking of voids, do you want to read something on the Internet that’s not about COVID-19? I assure you that you do! I found a couple of things.
First, this charming and breathless review of a book about eels. Eels! It kind of makes me want to read the book, but also, eels? I’m sort of eel-curious but it’s also possible that this review is all I’ll ever need vis-a-vis eels.
Unrelated, Riot Fest had a loving tribute to Josie and the Pussycats, a fictitious band that actually had some real band cred and helped with the “girls to the front” movement of the late 90s and the aughts. The article includes a playlist of Josie-adjacent, lady-driven power-pop, with nary an eel in sight.
I also took a deep dive back into eel territory, metaphorically speaking, regarding a real-life Lord of the Flies scenario, where the shipwrecked boys cooperated peacefully and ended up being lifelong friends and workmates. Turns out there’s nothing that says we have to take each other down. Goulding, it seems, sold us on a lie that we are acting out in real time at this very second. Thanks for that, sir.
3.) Years ago, I made a fundamental error of not having an e-mail address for the sole purpose of giving to any company I don’t want to hear from a thousand times a day. Who knew that the place I ordered rug from from one time six years ago would e-mail me daily? I mean, what kind of outsized presence do they think they have in my life? How many rugs do they think I need? I’m constantly scrolling through all the marketing e-mails to get to the ones from actual people I need to correspond with. But every now and then I get hit with something that I don’t know I want until I see it, and this week it was an online Ramen cooking class. For less than $100, I got ingredients to make ramen for two, a kit to make 4 sake bombs and a lesson from a Michelin star chef. Not only that, but my reservation is for Father’s Day weekend! Here you go, Baby.
4.) Get a new Zoom background.
5.) If you haven’t read Devil in the White City, you really should. That story has everything, including and especially the elaborate murder mansion of the diabolical serial killer H.H. Holmes. You know. If you’re into such things. Adam Selzer of Mysterious Chicago is doing a virtual series on the good doctor, with a talk and a virtual tour. The mansion was gutted in a fire and is now the location of the Englewood Post Office, and if that’s not a reason to go to Englewood to buy stamps, I don’t know what is. If you want even more, check out the Last Podcast on the Left’s 3-part series on H.H. Holmes, which is the funniest and least appropriate goddamn thing you’ll ever listen to in your life.
Have a good weekend, everyone. And wear a damn mask.
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