So some things happened over the last two weeks. I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting and feeling a lot of feelings, and you probably have, as well. It feels like sea change. I find myself wanting the protests to continue so that we don’t just…go back to the status quo. We can’t.
I'm not here to insert myself in the narrative. This post is not to show black folks how "woke" I am (though, welcome if you're here! Apologies in advance for all I'm about to get wrong.). Neither is it for the folks who have already done the work (please correct me when necessary--I'm listening.). I am far from any kind of expert and I don't need attention or congratulating. This post is about doing better. Being better. Helping. This is about the the work that needs to be done. Maybe you have some work to do, too. (You do.) There will be criticism from people who correctly point out that George Zimmerman was acquitted 7 years ago, where have you been? And those who question the value of sharing lists of reading. All I can say to that is that we must all start where we are.
So here we go.
0.5) I’m doing a lot of listening. I've shared this link before, but it bears repeating.
1.) On Monday, I relistened to a podcast called 1619. That year (401 years ago) a pirate ship sailed into Port Comfort with 20-30 human beings in the cargo hold. The captain needed food and supplies for his ship, so he sold stolen human beings ripped from their land and families to the people in Port Comfort. We learn all about enslaved workers and slavers in elementary school. We all agree that it’s horrifying. Every year some idiot does a pretend slave auction in her class and makes headlines, but we otherwise don’t have many opportunities to sit with and feel in a visceral way what it could possibly be like to be an enslaved worker, how this country was built entirely on the backs of enslaved workers, how white people took everything from black people including their culture, because we couldn’t come up with anything good on our own. You can take a deeper dive into the 1619 Project here.
2.) In case you’re new here, this space started out as a mommy blog about my son, who is an autistic person. So I want to submit this letter to a parenting advice columnist (and her response) that I found very powerful. The parents suspect their child looted a pair of shoes, and they want to know how to punish him. Both the parents and the columnist are black. Her response is incredible, and a complete right turn from what I expected. I have chills even now just thinking about it. She is right and she is on fire. This illustrates the difference between parenting while white and parenting while black. Or even just being white or black. A couple letters down from the parents is a woman who wondered if she was karening. Turns out, she was.
3.) Speaking of, here is a piece about the long history of white women using the police to win power struggles with black men.
4.) At the Women’s March in 2018, I remember someone wore a sweatshirt that said, “Fuck your racist grandma.” I interpreted that to mean that we shouldn’t tiptoe around family racism or hide who we are or who we love because your grandma who lives in rural Missouri* or wherever doesn’t like black people. I was reminded of that sweatshirt this week when my daughter’s teacher recently posted an open letter to her cousin on Facebook, calling him out for his racist rhetoric on social media. It was so brave and so powerful. I think we easily become afraid to call people out because it’s messy work. Or we’re afraid. But, you know what? Fuck your racist cousin, you know? This is a resource for allies and witnesses to combat online harassment. It’s written for journalists but can apply to anyone. This is a guide to calling out your racist uncle at Thanksgiving.
5.) I don’t love just straight up lists of resources, because they are easy to share on social media and be like, “Look at me, I’m an activist” and then just go back to scrolling cat memes, but if you like lists of resources, these are two powerful ones. Here is the Black Lives Matter Syllabus and here’s Barack Obama’s Anguish and Action.
The mother of one of my daughter’s classmates posted a video of her son, who is black, reacting to the protests. “White people could use their power to help people,” he observes in the video. This child is sweet and funny. He and my daughter played together on the playground all the time (back when we did such things) and have been in touch during the remote learning. He is not a threat to anyone. He is, however, in grave danger from a society that treats him differently than it does my daughter.
We’re here now, and we have to use our power for good.
Let's get after it.
-PDM
*Sorry Missouri. It's just that you had to google the recipe for a gin and tonic and I will never let you live that down.
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